Day 25: My Morning Run

Every morning first semester Junior year, I ran at least 3 miles with my friend Torie, and felt it was the absolute best way to start each day. Somewhere between then and now, I had forgotten that, but thankfully remembered it today. I rose easily from bed this morning and trekked through the cold to the ARC for a weekday, morning run. 

Torie, Wendy & me after the Greek Week 5k we ran.

It was surprising to me how easily the run went by. I knew that running used to come really easily to me, but since it had been a while since I tried to run consistently, I had forgotten. With my Girl Talk on and the laps flying by, I realized how amazing I felt. I comfortably and confidently completed my 3 miles in less than 30 minutes, and felt ready for whatever the day would bring, which ended up being a lot. Riding the bus to my 11 am class, I sat back and realized that I had already run 3 miles, made a few calls, and answered some important e-mails. It wasn't even 11 am, and I had already accomplished so much and felt so good about myself.

I ran around the rest of the day going to class, meeting with teachers, running random errands and pretty much going straight from 6:30 am to 4:30 pm then I came home to do homework before heading to work from 8 to midnight. It was an extremely long day, but after my enlivening morning run, I felt like I could take on anything and was happy and confident all day long.

I'm sad that I let myself fall in to such a slump of low self esteem but am so thankful that I finally felt healthy, strong, and like myself again. I feel like I'm "getting my glow back". Getting back in to the groove of morning runs is such a simple, yet amazing change, and I can't wait to see how much more I am able to take on each day after my morning run.

Day 24: My Walk Home from the ARC

Today was a crazy day. The sun actually came out and it was 35 degrees! It's sad how warm 35 degrees felt, but oh it was so nice. It wasn't quite spring warm, but it was so much warmer than it has been and the sun felt so good on my skin. I miss you sun, you should come around more often. I even willingly walked home from the ARC today and enjoyed it. I had a really good workout and needed to think about my French essay, so it was nice to have some time to think on my walk especially since the weather was so nice. Sadly, it's supposed to snow the next 3 days and reach negative degrees again Wednesday, but oh today was so nice.

Day 23: Kati

My best friend from home, Kati, came in to town for a concert with her boyfriend today and I got to meet up with her afterward for drinks. Kati and I have had our ups and downs, but I'm so glad that we're both making more time for one another and that we're both working on our own happiness :) We went to Seven Saints, which is probably my favorite bar now a days. The decor is so pretty and unique, including old church pews turned in to booths and an old altar turned in to a beautiful wall instillation, and I can usually forget that I am in Champaign.

I always sit at the bar and usually let the bartenders make me whatever they feel like making. It's so much fun to give someone a bit of direction like "I want something fruity" or "something with rum" and an amazing new drink I've never tried appears in front of me. On Kati's birthday they made her a cucumber inspired cocktail, which sounds kind of strange, but is actually really light and delicious. When I went with Alyse a few weeks ago, I had a Dark 'n Stormy (ginger beer & rum) which tastes like you're eating a gingerbread cookie...yum! This time Kati had one of her favorite cucumber martinis, which is pretty much the reason we went to Seven Saints then had a Tatanka, which tasted just like apple sauce. I had an orange vodka & Sprite, which wasn't as good as I would have liked it to be, but the orange slice on the side was delish! Then I had the most amazing drink I've ever had...a strawberry martini with whip cream flavored vodka in it. The girls next to us ordered them and the bartender gave us the leftovers which ended with me ordering one, and I'm so glad I did.

Kati and me with her Tatanka. Stolen from Kati's blog :)

Fun drinks are always enjoyable, but the best part of the night was getting to catch up with Kati and spend more time getting to know her new boyfriend, Jeff. They are so great together, and it's so nice to see her so happy. We chatted about the usual topics of school, jobs next year, and Mahomet 'gossip', but Kati & I could talk about the same thing over and over again and I will still have a good time. She always reminds me to be creative, beautiful, silly and most importantly myself. I always wish we lived closer to each other, but none the less, I love you Kati & thanks for being my beautiful, loving friend.

From possibly the best summer ever :)

Day 22: Indian Food

Wednesday night I was absolutely craving Indian food but no one could go with me, so Natalie promised to go on Friday aka today. A bit of a disappointing Wednesday evening, but it made for a very exciting day today! After a long, emotional week, it was so nice to sit down for a long dinner with a good friend. I ordered the vegetable tikka with roti bread...yum! Normally I get naan but wanted to try the whole wheat version & honestly, it was really delicious, and I don't think I could taste a huge difference. My meal was delectable and there was so much food left over that I had it for dinner both Saturday and Sunday as well :)

I forgot my camera at this meal, but this is from Scotland...the only other time Nat & I have eaten Indian food together.

Day 21: Jay Sica

I'd like to introduce my newly found hip hop alter ego **Jay Sica**

I am in a hip hop class this semester and after taking jazz last semester was really having a hard time being "hip hop". I wanted to continue doing pretty pirouettes across the floor and the flowing, relaxing final dance we did to "Pretty Wings" by Maxwell. (Check out the song, it's really good!)

The first day our teacher asked what hip hop meant to us. Honestly, I hadn't really thought much about hip hop or what it meant to me. I mean, I was taught a hip hop dance this summer by a man named Casper (yes, he was a white hip hop dancer...get it?) and thought I rocked it pretty hard, and I like to get my groove on on the dance floor, but am I hip hop? Since this is a major part of his life and what he studies, he had definitions and deep feelings about it, which was really interesting to hear someone talk about hip hop in an intellectual yet passionate manner.

What is hip hop to me? Well, it's a class where I can let everything go. Learn to move my body in new ways. I know maybe 2 other people in the class, but not very well, so I can be whoever I want to be. No one judges me. We all want to have fun. We were literally told to be over the top and ridiculous the other day while doing across the floor work, and I had a blast. Hip hop loosens me up, which is especially nice after sitting in desks all day in class or after a run. I can joke around with people because half the time we look silly right now learning new ways to move our bodies. I can push myself to find a part of me that I never knew was there. My funky, hip hop side.

During our first day of really dancing I kept thinking, "I'm really not sure if I can do this." "This isn't me or my kind of dancing." "I want to be pretty. I want to have good posture. Be pretty like a ballerina or sexy like a jazz dancer." But then I just let it go. Just because I slouch, am a bit crazy or don't do "pretty" moves at hip hop class doesn't mean I can never be graceful and ladylike. I decided that maybe if I named this new found part of myself that it would help me let loose and fully embrace this funky, hip hop side. Beyonce has her Sasha Fierce on-stage alter ego, and I'm fierce and awesome like Beyonce, so I have my hip hop class Jay Sica alter ego.

Once I started thinking about this and how funny it is, it really helped me loosen up, and I had an absolute blast this week in class. I was catching on to the choreography faster, and I think it looked a lot better because I wasn't afraid to be powerful and confident in the moves.

I am Jay Sica, the powerful, hardcore hip hop dancer and also Jessica, the confident, graceful young woman. All in one. I've found this year that sometimes I have to let myself and life be "ugly" and really push it before I'm able to find beauty.

Zombie Jessica. Another dance character. I looked crazy beat up
 but I had a blast & actually strangely felt really beautiful.

Day 20: Learning to Take Care of Myself

Day 19: Encouragement from Teachers

I found out today in my French class that my TA, who is also named Jessica, did the teaching assistantship through the French Embassy I almost applied for. I spoke with her about it after class, and she encouraged me to go ahead and apply for it even though the deadline has already passed. Then, I saw my French TA from last semester while passing through the Foreign Language Building, and she also encouraged me to apply. I'm still not 100% sure they are still accepting applications, but I sent an e-mail to their contact e-mail and filled out the majority of the application. I just have to fill out a medical form, scan in my transcript, scan in my passport, get 2 recommendations and write a 500 words letter of intent in French. The last may be a bit of a challenge, but 2 of my compositions last semester were over 300 words, so I definitely know I can do it with a little bit of work. I hope to hear back from the e-mail I sent because I am so excited for this opportunity!

This is also reminding me to flow with time and opportunities. One year ago, I didn't even want to visit France for vacation while studying abroad yet now I'm loving learning French and am hoping to be able to seriously think about moving and working there for a year. You don't always have to fit some mold or goals you set for yourself years ago. You can't predict the future or opportunities that may come your way. Just roll with it and enjoy :)

Day 18: The AOII House

I always knew my house was in a prime location on campus, but I never realized just how nice it was until I didn't live there. Honestly, my apartment isn't that far away from everything, but when I only have an hour between class, it's not really feasible to go home. Thankfully, I can go to the AOII house right off the Quad. I can eat there twice a week so I load up on lots of delicious veggies on the salad bar and read the Daily Illini while also catching up with girls at the house. Other times, I sit in the solarium and enjoy a bit of TV between class and today I even painted my nails a fun purply-pink. Most importantly, I'm able to check my e-mail on our computers so I don't have to carry my computer around with me all day but am still able to stay up to date on everything sent out. I'm thankful to have a warm, cozy, inviting place to eat, catch up with friends, and sometimes even sneak in a quick nap on our super comfy couches.

The AOII house. Not the best pic, but I'll try to get a better one to replace it soon.

Day 17: Tears of Joy

This message greeted me this morning when I opened my computer, and all I could do was cry. I felt a rush of warm emotion envelope me and a feeling of overwhelming love. I post "You are beautiful" messages around campus and gave each of my friends post-it pads for Christmas to do the same, so I was so excited this morning when I found one just for me. I'm almost 100% sure Natalie left it for me because she was playing music on my computer while I was getting ready last night and knows I had a rough week. Even if it wasn't, I love you Nat and am so thankful to have you in my life.

You are beautiful and awesome - keep it up - smile!
9 simple words, yet so helpful and necessary this morning.

Day 16: Making My Own Cards

Fact: I haven't bought a card in 4 years. While in Italy I bought postcards & sent them as birthday and holiday cards, but I don't really think that counts.

I think there are a lot of clever, funny, and pretty cards on the market, but I prefer to make my own. It's a great, functional creative outlet for me, and I think it's so much more personal to make cards for my friends and family.

Usually it's just one or two at a time for birthdays or Mother's or Father's day, but sophomore year I decided to hand make Christmas cards for all of my friends. Talk about a task, but I enjoyed it so much...probably too much. I hardly had any finals that semester, so while everyone else was studying, I covered the floor in my room at AOII with my craft supplies, watched Sex and the City, and made cards for hours at a time. Glitter, ribbon, pens, card stock, the whole nine yards. I had a blast and had a fun, personal card to give each of my friends.

I hadn't made a nice card in a while and tomorrow is Julie's birthday, so this morning I broke out all the supplies and made a birthday card. When I sat down to make it though, all I could think of was how thankful I am for Julie, so it turned in to a thank you card instead.

I had a blast making it and felt super crafty. I realized I need to make sure to break out my supplies more often and explore that side of my creativity on a more regular basis.

A big sunflower because they're Julie's favorite :)

Every card I make has my "for YOU by ME" signature on the back with a heart.

Day 15: The Bus

I honestly don't think I would leave my apartment or do anything with my life with out the bus. It snowed 4-5 inches on Wednesday then got down to negative temperatures last night, so needless to say, the bus has become my new best friend. I'm really trying to make an effort to get back in to working out and there is little chance I would make it to the gym if I had to walk. Along with all my favorite blogs, I check the CUMTD website multiple times a day to find the best route and have a numerous amount of colorful squares covered in buses and times to get around throughout the day. I love walking and resisted learning the new bus system at the beginning of the year, but now that the deep of winter has hit, I am truly thankful for the buses.

Some of my colorful squares of bus times.

It's 3 degrees at 4 pm, which is balmy compared to the negative 8 degrees when I left the apartment this morning.

Day 14: My Roommates

As much as I may complain about dishes in the sink or having to share the fridge, I really love living with roommates. Learning to love to live with others has been quite a journey though. Before college, I was concerned about having to share a room with someone, but my freshman year random roommate and I ended up eating every meal together and we became the best of friends. Sophomore year I lived in a triple at the house, so I shared my room with 2 others but lived with 60 other girls throughout the whole house. Junior year I had my own room at the house then lived with a fellow AOII, 2 other Americans, and a rotating roommate of different nationalities from Italian to Slovakian to Romanian. This year I am living with Julie, my friend from high school, and Whitney, my friend whom I met on Habit for Humanity 2 years ago on spring break.

Julie & I after the musical Senior year.

Whit & I at Habitat in Mississippi.

Today I found out I didn't get the Fulbright Scholarship to be an English Teaching Assistant in Italy that I wanted so badly, and I truly have never been so thankful for my roommates. They have been there for me while I was dealing with other personal things last semester such as my crazy summer break up and learning how to deal with my emotions without turning to food, but today they were there for me when I really needed them.

Part of my recovery is learning to turn to others when I'm upset, happy, frustrated, etc, so after a good solo cry of disappointment, I went in to Julie's room and asked to lounge in her bed with her. It was obvious I had been crying so she asked what was wrong and listened to me cry and rant in disappointment and frustration. She is one of the most calming people I know and after a good cry with her, I felt so much better. We just laid around and talked about what we want to do with our futures, what we want in life, and how much it sucks that no matter how hard you work in college, you still have to work just as hard to find a job.

She had been cleaning her room so after a bit, she got up and continued cleaning while I grabbed my laptop and lounged around for a few hours in her bed. Soon Whitney got home from class munching on some toast she received from down the hall and came in to the room to say hi. Again, she could tell I was upset, and when I told her I didn't get Fulbright, she instantly made her way across everything laying around the floor that Julie was sorting through to give me a hug.

It was so comforting that Julie let me just lounge in her room and de-steam, and then Whitney helped me get ready once I decided to join the world again and go out to try to have some fun. Thanks roomies for helping me make it through one of my roughest days in a while. I love you.

The roomies on my 21st birthday.

Day 13: Running 3 Miles

Today I ran 3 miles for the first time in 6 months. Wow, I hadn't realized just how long it had been, but it felt so good. Even better than I thought it would.

I was so exhausted today after spending all day out of the apartment going to class, my TFA meeting, and meeting up with Liz. Also, I didn't properly fuel myself today. The water bottle I bought yesterday had a hole in it (buh buuuhh), so I was thirsty for most of the day, I was starving both for lunch and when I came home at the end of the day. I ate healthy all day, but I think I need to do a better job of spacing out snacks & obviously staying better hydrated.

I wanted to skip my run so bad today, probably the worst I've ever wanted to skip a workout. I was already heading out to CVS for something so I was already leaving the apartment and decided a good, sweaty workout would help wake me up and feel better. Once I got to the ARC, I really was excited for my run but it took so much strength and willpower to get to that point. My actual run went really smoothly and came quite easily to me which felt so good.

There were tons of people at the ARC so it was fun to people watch, and I had to stay alert while running so I didn't run in to anyone or get in anyone's way. Although, I like lifting when no one is there so I don't have to wait for machines or weights, but I think I really like running when there are more people around. I ran 2 miles straight, stopped for a quick water break, then jumped right back on the track for my last mile. I kept a good pace, had a great sprint at the end, and neither of my knees hurt at all! Even if the foam roller kills sometimes, I know it's really helping my knee and I'm so glad I purchased one of my own so I can do it at home now too.

Another perk of the day, I found a great new running song! My absolute in the zone song is "Club Can't Handle Me" by Flo Rida and David Guetta because it reminds me of a really great, freeing run I had during my last trip to London. I started running down a main road and thought I would run in to a cross road I recognized, but I didn't, so I ended up accidentally running 4 miles. I had been having an extremely frustrating couple of days and realizing how strong I am and how much I can handle was exactly what I needed at that time. Anyways, back to my NEW running song..."Triple Double" by Girl Talk. It has my perfect running beat and I already love Girl Talk, so I was pumped when I realized my strides were perfectly in tune with the rhythm of the song. Now I don't have to play "Club Can't Handle Me" on repeat when I'm having a hard time getting through a run.

Another run in London where the sole purpose was to find Campion Road :)

I'm so happy about this small yet important milestone for me, and am excited for the rest of my half-marathon training and overall well being journey.

Day 12: The Last First Day of School

I don't want to make a huge deal of every "last" this semester, but I do want to make sure I appreciate them. This one is BIG. Possibly my last first day of school ever. Sure I took the GRE & could possibly go to grad school somewhere down the road, but for the first time since I was 5, I won't be going to school next year. Well that is unless I get the Teach for America position I'm applying for or my Fulbright scholarship....but then I'm on the other side of the desk :)

Day 11: Green Monsters

One of my favorite blogs to read is Oh She Glows, and she swears by these breakfast smoothies she makes called Green Monsters. I have read about them, read recipes, seen pictures and finally decided to try one for myself this morning. After an interesting food day yesterday, I was up for a healthy, detoxing breakfast.

From what I've gathered, a Green Monster is pretty much anything healthy you want to put in a blender with the staple ingredient of spinach. Yes, spinach. When I first read about the spinach, I was a bit skeptical. A fruit smoothie with spinach? Everything I'd read said that you can't even taste the spinach so I decided to just jump in and try one for myself.

Mine included 1/2 cup frozen blueberries, 2 large frozen strawberries, about 1/2 cup frozen mango, 1 Tbs wheat germ I found in the fridge, 1 cup vanilla soy milk, some ice cubes, and of course a handful of spinach. It took a while for me to blend it all up. I'm not sure if there is a "proper" order to put ingredients in the blender, but I'm thinking putting the spinach in first is not the best idea. I'll try a different strategy next time.

Cheers to my first Green Monster! (even if it was purple...)

Once I finally got it all mixed up, it was a lovely purple color thanks to the blueberries I'm assuming. Definitely not as green as her Green Monsters, but I'll try for that next time by using less overwhelmingly colorful fruits like a banana.

Overall, I was happily surprised how delicious the smoothie was and how little you could taste the spinach. How great, I can get some veggies in for breakfast while still enjoying a delicious, fruit smoothie! Mine was quite thick, so I started with a spoon then moved to a straw once it melted a bit. 

Hopefully I'll run to the grocery store to pick up some bananas and chia seeds so I can make the "classic" Green Monster recipe next time.

First Green Monster = Delicious and nutritious success!

Day 10: The Sauna

When I was out for drinks with a friend last night she randomly asked me if I'd ever been in the sauna at the ARC, and I had to respond no and that I had completely even forgotten there was one there. This made me feel extremely forgetful because I worked at the ARC the summer before it opened and was actually one of the first people to stand in the sauna when the director gave me and another intern a tour of the whole facility. Now that I've been reminded, however, I am so thankful! I had a great workout today and while I was stretching, decided I should try out the sauna for the first real time.

I made my way through the locker room towards the pool where the sauna also is and almost didn't go in because there were just two guys in there when I first walked by. After a brief moment where I almost just turned around and went back in the locker room, I decided to give it a go. The heat instantly hit me, and I wasn't sure how long I would last. One guy was meditating and an older guy was just sitting, so I decided to climb up and sit down on the open side and close my eyes like I was meditating too. Granted I was "technically" meditating, but once I shut my eyes I did try to focus on my breathing and find a sense of peace by thinking of how great my workout had been and other positive thoughts about myself.

At first the heat was overwhelming, but after sitting and breathing for a bit, it was so nice. I felt like I was super flexible because my muscles were already warmed up and then I was sitting literally in extreme heat, so I stretched a bit and then returned to my "meditating" cross legged seating.

I used to go tanning once or twice a winter to get over the winter blues, but the sauna is definitely the new beat the blues spot. It completely beats tanning considering it's free and actually good for you. Sitting in sauna felt like being in one of those ridiculously hot days in the summer that you complain about at the time but dream about in the dead of winter. I'm so glad I was shown how to randomly insert 10 to 15 minutes of scorching summer day in to the coldest days of the year. I will definitely be a return visitor to the sauna.

Day 9: Disney Movies

Last night I saw Tangled with my family for my mom's birthday and loved it! It's one of those movies I secretly wanted to see but didn't really want to pay for myself, so the family paying was the perfect opportunity. Also, this officially marks the return of Disney. Good, classic Disney, and just in time, since this was their 50th animated film.

I grew up on all the classic Disney movies and am so glad to see them go back to a good, well made princess movie. My absolute favorite growing up was Beauty and the Beast followed in no particular order by Aladdin, The Lion King, Pocahontas, and Mulan. I also enjoy the Disney Pixar movies like Finding Nemo and Monster's Inc that don't include a princess, but I'm so glad that this generation has their own princess movie now.

Beauty & the Beast magnets on our fridge. Sadly, they're not mine, but I still enjoy them :)

I'm aware of the bad stereotypes presented in the princess movies like you need a man to make you happy or singing a happy song can get you out of anything, but honestly, I was still happy to see the new princess movie. Yes, I may still be waiting for my prince charming to come and realize it can alter our perceptions of what a man should be like, but I also think that girls shouldn't settle for anything less than amazing. It's out there and no one should settle for okay. Real world princes have their flaws and shortcomings, but that doesn't mean love can be any less amazing. Maybe that sounds naive, but why believe in anything less than amazing as long as you admit it won't be perfect?

Back to Tangled. I was just going to write about how there weren't any super memorable songs, which is true, but when I looked at a list of the songs I realized that I really did like all of them. My favorite was "I've Got a Dream" because who doesn't love a song with big, burly guys singing about their dreams? My mom enjoyed "Mother Knows Best" for obvious reasons, and another one of my favorites was "I See the Light" for personal, sentimental reasons. What a lovely love song, and what a beautiful scene with all the glowing lanterns floating around the lake.

Another favorite part is that the weapon of choice for the movie is a frying pan. A frying pan! Priceless. I thought it was hilarious that it was used through out the movie, and although it was still violent, I was glad to see a movie using a frying pan rather than guns and knives. Creative violence? haha

My favorite frying pan. Yes, I have a favorite.

One more shout out to the movie. Mandy Moore! I was so glad to hear her voice again, especially singing. A possible come back from Mandy?

I'm getting really excited writing about the movie and will definitely consider purchasing it when it comes out on DVD. Thanks Disney for another great, maybe one day classic!

Day 8: My Newfound/Refound Drive to Change My Life for the Better

It literally took everything I had to get through my run today. My quick shopping trip with Julie turned in to a 5 hour adventure, which was a lot of fun, but also left me really tired and I didn't get to the ARC until around 6 pm.

Once there, I couldn't find a parking spot and drove around the entire lot twice before finding one. I wanted to just go home so badly. Why was I driving around some stupid, snow covered parking lot so I could run when I was tired and a little hungry? Why?...Because I want to change my life.

While out shopping I wasn't pleased with how the few things I tried on looked on me and I just genuinely didn't feel all that great. I saw other women trying things on and not being satisfied either and it just reminded me that I'm in charge of my health and well being so why not make it good? I am a big fan of the blog and movement Operation Beautiful, but it can be hard to feel beautiful when I'm not doing beautiful things for my body aka working out and eating a well balanced diet.

After the 2 laps, I finally did find a parking spot and headed through the cold to the gym. Thursday evening I made a really great new playlist for working out and cooling down that I was pumped about listening to, but when I was trying to play it on my iPod while leaving the locker room it wouldn't play! I soon remembered that I had been in a hurry earlier in the day to pack my gym bag and didn't properly disconnect the iPod, so it didn't actually update. I was so frustrated, but I was already there in my gym clothes and half way up the stairs to the main floor, so I decided to just run on the treadmill (blah) and plug my headphones in to the machine and watch some TV.

My gym bag and silly iPod.

One good thing, I found How I Met Your Mother on Lifetime. Score! And I was doing 3 miles, so a half hour show is pretty much perfect timing. Things were going really well, and I was genuinely enjoying myself running and watching HIMYM. I paused after 1 mile for a quick water break then got right back at it until I accidentally hit the emergency stop button around 2.25 miles. I can't remember if anyone was around me on other machines, but I hope not because I just started muttering frustrations "what, how did that happen!?!", "no, keep going, keep going, don't shut down!", and other random ramblings of frustration. It's so annoying to be at a good, steady pace and then be stopped before I'm done with my workout.

I was already having a rough time with this run and couldn't get up the energy to run another full mile, so I decided to just get to 2.5 and call it a day. I wish I could have made it to the 3, but in the long run, I was meeting up with a friend later, so the extra time to get ready was helpful. Also, looking at my workout calendar now, I realize that I hadn't run since Monday, so I'm glad I listened to my body and realized maybe I wasn't ready for the full 3 miles yet. I still have 2 weeks until I'm technically supposed to be able to do 3 consistently & I'll be able to do that on tomorrow or Monday.

Even though it was a struggle, I did also feel my sense of drive again. That "don't give up, you can do this" feeling that is so empowering and encouraging that I really can change my life for the better. I had lost it for a few seasons, but it's back and I believe in it more than ever.

My trusty Nikes and I made it through :)

Day 7: Waking up to the Sun Shining

After a few days of waking up to snow (although beautiful) and general winter overcast, I was refreshed and energized by waking up to the sun shining brightly through my blinds this morning. Julie & I had a good talk about life and our goals and hopes for this semester last night, so it felt so hopeful to wake up to the sun beautifully glowing in my room. I said the Our Father and a short prayer for the first time in a long time and woke up to a good day of appointments and a great work out.

Sorry, no pictures. I just wanted to soak it in this time.

Day 6: Losing Myself in a Book

Last night I didn't feel like going to bed right away, even after returning from Legends at 2 am after celebrating Jackie's birthday, so I started reading The Guardian by Nicholas Sparks. I'm not going to lie that I used to hate Nicholas Sparks books until I became addicted last year while in Italy.

In high school I thought I was so cool and would only read the classics interspersed with Shopaholic books (aka completely opposite of the classics...I don't really have any reasoning for this) and found Sparks books to be completely boring. While abroad, however, we had a limited supply of books and once I got through my stash, I started reading everyone else's books, which mostly included Sparks books.

I started with Dear John and was hooked. Since then, I've read my fair share including The Last Song on my cruise ship, which ended with me bawling for 2 hours on the pool deck. I'm sure the European women were secretly laughing at me, but I was young and in love and completely connecting with the characters. Then it took me a full summer for me to finish The Rescue because I was so busy and tired all the time, and now I'm reading The Guardian, which I will probably finish by the end of the week.

Losing myself in a book has always been one of my favorite things to do. No matter whether my life is going well or not so well, I find it comforting and relaxing to escape in to another world for a little while. I sometimes convince myself it's "research" for my hopes of writing my own novel somewhere in the distant future, especially when reading Sparks books.

Whenever I get to the end of a book, I get really anxious. I've had such a good time reading about and living the character's lives that sometimes I just don't want it to end. It always does though. Then I get to sit and soak in everything I just read, which is also comforting and cathartic. Somehow enjoying a book helps me appreciate my life more and thankfully there are still so many greats I have yet to read :)

My view for most of the day. Book, blanket & cold but comfy room.

Day 5: Trying New Recipes

I've had this recipe from EatingWell.com saved in my "Recipes" folder on my desktop for months now and finally got around to making it today. I bought all the ingredients I could a while ago, but I could never find fennel at the grocery store. Last week my brother and I went to the Meijer in Urbana rather than Champaign and...duh duh duuuuuh...they had fennel! I was so excited and put a big bulb of it in my cart. I didn't even know if I liked fennel, but I was pumped to finally find it so I could make my recipe.

I had another strenuous day of watching America's Next Top Model then a bit of yoga and hip hop, so I decided cooking a new recipe would be a good activity for the day.

First, I gathered my ingredients.

Then put on my apron I got for my birthday a few years ago, which I l-o-v-e. Thanks Kati!

And began cutting up the fennel. While cutting it up, I began to grow seriously concerned about whether I would like it or not. Turns out raw fennel smells exactly like black licorice, which I find to be one of the most disgusting smells and foods. I already began planning what I would make instead for dinner once I tasted and hated this dish.

Thankfully, I continued on. It finally began smelling a little better once I added the tomatoes, spinach (my addition the recipe to get in a few more veggies), spices, and finally the shrimp.

Funny how almost everything I cook ends up the colors of Italy's flag...

I was still a little concerned while dishing up my bowl and sprinkling on my beloved feta cheese (I didn't want to waste it on a bad dish!), but I finally sat down and prepared to really give it a chance. I made sure to get a little bit of everything and chewed the first bite very slowly, letting the flavors roll around my tongue and mouth. Thankfully, it was a lot better than I thought it would be, and by the end, it really grew on me and I genuinely liked the dish.

I'm not sure I will ever make it again, but I'm glad I gave it a shot and it made enough for at least two other meals this week. Score!

Day 4: My Unclogged Drain

This may sound really silly, but I am so excited about my bathroom sink drain that was finally unclogged today. I've lived with a semi-clogged drain all semester and with an extremely clogged drain for a little over a month. I had been cleaning the apartment most of the morning including cleaning out the shower, scrubbing the bathroom floor, and finally cleaning out the top shelf of the refrigerator when there was a knock on the door. Extremely confused at who could be at my door at 11:30 am, I meandered over to see who was there. It turned out to be maintenance workers from my apartment building's office to unclog our drains and change our furnace filter. We already changed our filter in November after waking up for a week straight to a 60 degree apartment, but I was really excited about getting my drain unclogged. I think the two guys were confused by my excitement, but I had already tried unclogging the drain for about 20 minutes before wanting to puke and giving up because it was so disgusting, and I wasn't getting anywhere.

Now I have a fabulous, unclogged drain where I don't have to worry about soap or toothpaste building up. Thanks maintenance workers for the fixed drain!

Day 3: OnDemand Workouts

Now that I finally figured out the bus system on campus, I really enjoy going to our campus recreational facilities but there are also days I just don't feel like leaving the apartment for a workout. Enter OnDemand. I used to go online to get the ExerciseTV workouts and I don't remember how I found the workouts on TV, but I am so glad I did. There are so many free workouts from Jillian Michaels to Latin and Bollywood dancing to pilates and yoga, which I enjoyed today. 

All you need is a yoga mat, your remote with OnDemand button, and weights sometimes depending on which workout you choose. 

My yoga mat I got before coming to college, Julie's weights & my trusty remote.

I love the high energy of Jillian Michaels and Billy Blank Jr's dance workouts, but today I wanted a relaxing yet good workout. Pilates and yoga make me feel strong yet relaxes me, and I always have really good posture afterwards.

Thanks OnDemand!

Day 2: Alone Days in My Apartment

Some days I hate being alone but some days I love it. This past week has been a week of loving being in my apartment by myself. Don't get me wrong, I love big houses full of lots of people and living with roommates, but sometimes I just want a day or two to myself. Especially after being with about 20 to 30 people for 5 days in Boston, some alone time is nice.

I love being able to wake up at whatever time I want then sit around in the living room watching America's Next Top Model or House for hours without feeling like I'm being judged by anyone. I read my book during the commercial breaks usually, so there is a bit of mental stimulation, but sometimes it's nice to just veg out for a bit. Obviously nothing too physically or mentally strenuous, but enjoyable none the less.

My set up this morning. Lounging in my leggings & sweatshirt, America's Next Top Model, glass of water & Gomorrah.

Also, I absolutely adore turning up my music as loud as I want and belting out my favorite songs. There is something so liberating and empowering about singing at the top of my lungs and genuinely not caring how good or bad I sound. Granted I still sing my little heart out when the roommates aren't gone, but it's even nicer when I know I'm not disturbing anyone.

In Boston we invaded a local bar and sang every song at the top of our lungs. One Tribe y'all.

Jules is already in and out, and soon everyone else will return to campus, but until then, I'm going to appreciate my alone time perched in front of the TV and singing at the top of my lungs.

Looking Back on the Year

Most people do their year long look back on New Years, but this year, mine was defined by my study abroad trip to Verona. One year a go today I was boarding an airplane to take me abroad for the first time and would ultimately take me on the trip that changed my life in so many ways. So much has changed in the past year, and I am so thankful for everything the year has brought so I'd like to take this post to reflect on some of the major happenings.

Also, while I was looking at my Bucket List this morning I realized #52 is "Write down something I’m grateful for each day for a month" and that this blog is the perfect place to do this. What better way to start the new year than loving life and crossing another thing off my list?

Day 1: Looking Back on the Year

At the end of first semester of my Junior year, I fell in to a depression that made it almost impossible to make it through finals and the holidays. I pretty much stopped eating for a good two weeks, which caused me to lose a significant amount of weight, and then in order to deal with my racing thoughts, I ate everything in sight, which in turn caused a weight gain. Not only did this affect my weight, but also my relationship with food in general. I'm still working through it, but I'm now seeking help and really working on living a balanced, healthy life and dealing in a more healthy way with my emotions.

Clair & I with the pie we bought Nat on our last day in Verona.

Experiencing the culture of Italy, traveling more than I ever could have imagined, and being surrounded by so many people loving life helped me become a calmer, more appreciative person and ultimately helped me break through and recover from my depression. I will always remember that semester as one of the most beautiful times in my life. It is definitely the most beautiful time to date, but I also believe that more beautiful times are still to come.

Hanging with the lions in Trafalgar Square.

I let myself live. I became nearly fluent in Italian. Sang karaoke at a local Italian bar. Got a concussion while skiing, but also went down a full mountain in the Alps. Lived out of a backpack for 10 days...well almost. Got stuck in London thanks to a crazy Icelandic volcano and loved every minute of it. Hiked up a volcano, which thankfully didn't erupt. Ate gelato at least once every day for a week. Went spelunking through a cave. Drove down the Las Vegas strip at night. Applied to Fulbright. I lived.

Gelato on the beach in Amalfi.

I fell in love. I also had my heart broken worse than I could have imagined, but ultimately, I fell in love, and I think that is a beautiful thing. I opened my heart to someone and allowed him to show me how amazing life and love can be. I will always be thankful for that.

I was able to travel and see the beauty of America just weeks after my return from Europe. I already wrote about all the amazing places I was able to see on my trip, but I figured I would mention it again.

Fun lifeguard stand on Santa Monica Beach.

So many new, amazing people were brought in to my life and I was able to realize who is truly important to me. Study abroad brought me one of my very best friends, Natalie. Being away from one another drew me even closer to my brother, Michael. Happy yet sometimes tearful discussions about love, life after college, and life in general helped me grow even closer to my cousin, Sara. Time apart, reunions, and a better effort to stay in touch helped me make Kati more a part of my life. And my study abroad and CHWC team brought a steady group of people I know I can always have fun with and rely on.

Life went on. I had spent nearly 4 years planning both in my mind and in reality my study abroad trip to Italy, and I think a part of me truly believed that life would end when I got home. I love to plan and hadn't really planned anything past Italy. I freaked out and think it had a lot to do with my bout with depression. When I got home from Italy, however, life went on. It may seem simple, but to me it was huge. My family was still there and loved me. My friends were still around and wanted to hear all about my adventures. I still had one full year of school left at the U of I. Beautiful things still happened.

I finally mastered the frittata.

Successfully completed another semester of college.

Went to Boston.

Spent the New Year on Cape Cod.

That was a bit longer than I imagined it would be. But also a lot more cathartic.

America the Beautiful

Since I last posted I have turned 22, spent 5 days in Boston, and celebrated the New Year full of friends, alcohol, and of course resolution making.  Last year my sole resolution was to make sure I appreciated every moment of being abroad, which honestly I think turned out pretty well.  This year, I pretty much want to do the same thing only the location is the States rather than beautiful Italy.

There really is so much beauty here as long as you take the time to appreciate it.  Another part of enjoying is slowing down.  I have a tendency to go go go but it can be hard to appreciate everything I'm actually doing if I go too much.  I'm a person who needs to be able to take a deep breathe and reflect on what is going on in my life, so obviously this blog is a big part of keeping my resolution.

Let's take a quick look at some of the beauty in the United States I've seen and experienced since returning from study abroad.

1) Colorado.  There is something so enlivening about being surrounded by mountains and being able to explore on hikes up mountains, through canyons, and even in caves.

The river running through the canyon we hiked through just outside Denver.

Hiking fun

A lake midway up the 15,000 foot mountain we drove up.

At the top of Mount Evans

2) Santa Monica Pier.  I visited during my freshman year of college also, but there is a liveliness to it that always makes it fun to visit.  This summer was warmer than when I visited in the winter of my freshman year so we were able to enjoy the beach more and even did our summer work dance on the beach :)

Santa Monica Pier

3) The Grand Canyon.  I know it's called the "Grand" Canyon, but it was so much bigger than I even imagined it being.  My jaw hung open in awe when I first caught a glimpse of it, but had to quickly recover since I was the one driving and all.

At the Grand Canyon, which I renamed King Canyon since it was soo big.

So beautiful

4) Yellowstone.  The hot springs were beautiful and we got to see Old Faithful erupt, but sadly, even with the spike in grizzly bear attacks last year, we didn't get to see one.

5) Boston.  I fell in love with the city full of history, beautiful old buildings, little streets like in Europe, and creepy but really cool old cemeteries.

A street view

Pretty building



Maybe I'll get to explore Europe again sometime soon, but until then, here's to the beauty of America.