I am in a hip hop class this semester and after taking jazz last semester was really having a hard time being "hip hop". I wanted to continue doing pretty pirouettes across the floor and the flowing, relaxing final dance we did to "Pretty Wings" by Maxwell. (Check out the song, it's really good!)
The first day our teacher asked what hip hop meant to us. Honestly, I hadn't really thought much about hip hop or what it meant to me. I mean, I was taught a hip hop dance this summer by a man named Casper (yes, he was a white hip hop dancer...get it?) and thought I rocked it pretty hard, and I like to get my groove on on the dance floor, but am I hip hop? Since this is a major part of his life and what he studies, he had definitions and deep feelings about it, which was really interesting to hear someone talk about hip hop in an intellectual yet passionate manner.
What is hip hop to me? Well, it's a class where I can let everything go. Learn to move my body in new ways. I know maybe 2 other people in the class, but not very well, so I can be whoever I want to be. No one judges me. We all want to have fun. We were literally told to be over the top and ridiculous the other day while doing across the floor work, and I had a blast. Hip hop loosens me up, which is especially nice after sitting in desks all day in class or after a run. I can joke around with people because half the time we look silly right now learning new ways to move our bodies. I can push myself to find a part of me that I never knew was there. My funky, hip hop side.
During our first day of really dancing I kept thinking, "I'm really not sure if I can do this." "This isn't me or my kind of dancing." "I want to be pretty. I want to have good posture. Be pretty like a ballerina or sexy like a jazz dancer." But then I just let it go. Just because I slouch, am a bit crazy or don't do "pretty" moves at hip hop class doesn't mean I can never be graceful and ladylike. I decided that maybe if I named this new found part of myself that it would help me let loose and fully embrace this funky, hip hop side. Beyonce has her Sasha Fierce on-stage alter ego, and I'm fierce and awesome like Beyonce, so I have my hip hop class Jay Sica alter ego.
Once I started thinking about this and how funny it is, it really helped me loosen up, and I had an absolute blast this week in class. I was catching on to the choreography faster, and I think it looked a lot better because I wasn't afraid to be powerful and confident in the moves.
I am Jay Sica, the powerful, hardcore hip hop dancer and also Jessica, the confident, graceful young woman. All in one. I've found this year that sometimes I have to let myself and life be "ugly" and really push it before I'm able to find beauty.
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| Zombie Jessica. Another dance character. I looked crazy beat up but I had a blast & actually strangely felt really beautiful. |
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